The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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