i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
