I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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