I think my vagina is haunted
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
