sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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