don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
