You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
