How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
being pregnant is like rehab
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize