You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
