Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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