to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sarcasm needs its own font
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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