watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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