you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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