I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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