the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
