you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
