if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
