she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
