He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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