he shaved USA in his pubs
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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