I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
