Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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