The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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