oh god the rape fog is back!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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