I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
