If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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