i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
my poor anus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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