Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
