I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we're making bets on your personal life
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
