Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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