When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Floor bacon is actually really good
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