twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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