He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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