dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
