come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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