I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
