I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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