Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
