What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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