I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
