A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
