there's paper in my vomit.
Just cropdusted the office
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
