The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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