She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
