My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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