Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
