He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
