1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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