everyone is single if you try hard enough
im six kinds of drunk right now
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
