I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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