apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pants are for mortals
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
