my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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