...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
