I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
