does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
