cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
barbara walters just said penis...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
