I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
