the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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