if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
