Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
