Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
