i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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