I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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