He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
