The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
