Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
