i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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