life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
