i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
