what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
