I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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