eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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