can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
