i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
