Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
