when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
