i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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