Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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