I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
