Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
