i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
