And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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