your parents love me but you hate me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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