I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
