I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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